La Sombra Caleña

[Walter Wilhelm]

Name of Faction:La Sombra Caleña

Number of Members (Minimum of 5):10 and growing

Type Of Faction (Family, Triad, Street Gang, etc): Cartel

Ethnic Background (ex: Italian, Greek, African American, Irish, etc): French/Jamaican/South American/European/African, as in Colombia. The main Ethnic Background of our story is of African, European, and Caribbean descent

Name of Character running the faction: Dario Montoya Valencia

Your Discord # (ex: gamer#4210):parzivalchoosen

Your SteamID:76561199509203942

Your Server playtime:1w 2d 1h 24m

Do you acknowledge and agree to all faction rules as detailed on the server rules page? (Yes/No): YES

Do you acknowledge that your faction discord will be owned by us? (Yes/No): YES

Provide an example of the unique Roleplay your faction will bring to the server/what type of roleplay we can expect from your faction (Images/Videos Preferred): We want to provide special and unique RP as people back in Colombia Sucre, Valle del Cauca, Cali, Medelling, Kennedy, and Bogota Specially those cities are where most of the cartels are located, including La Sombra Caleña They didnt dress like the fancy italians over at little italy they had a natural flow to dress casually but with class meanwhile for example smoking a finely rolled cigar by our cuban colegas, We also want to show these Americans of what a Discoteca feels like Were anyone could come but the dress code would vary every day of the week depending on what were doing and if there is an active event and you cant just be a basic nobody with jeans shoes and a shirt you gotta put more effort into it if youre going out to party,Suits are allowed always if they are not cheap and will be invited To the VIP society/zone if you have a good Combo/outfit as things are fun and diverse and different everyday as we also do games free drinks free food etc... as for One thing for sure is that Fridays will be fight night for sure We aim for fun and different kind of fun everyday also If there is a Discoteca there is always drugs present which i will talk about later and also with the discoteca comes in hand with a Cigar/Music store at the same time listening to some music meanwhile you smoke and also you can buy music according to youre preference the Cashier should know every music genre or atleast know a lot personally me i like almost every disc that is in the game Rap,Rock,Metal,Glam,Hip Hop,Classical Etc.. so its more connected with the client Rp wise and also not having the same recruiting procces as other Crews,we would do guarding serving food but Cleaning,Revising learning about music with actual facts about it,Selling Cigars. Also in the Discoteca there if you were to be invited to the Vip you would get the choice of 2 ashtrays by our emplooyees and unlimited cigarretes and cigars at half price All these ideas were inspired by a thought I had, what would be more relaxing than sitting or being comfortable, meanwhile you enjoy a cigar the right way, honey in the cigar to make the taste better with rum and dark chocolate, meanwhile u listen to your favorite music where the employee knows your taste. As mentioned before, I also said that drugs would be involved, as you will get searched for wire before making a purchase in the VIP zone for whatever you would like. This is also inspired by back in the 80s, Discotecas used to do that too Specially in Medellin and Cali

Provide examples or event ideas to promote activity within your faction and keep people interested. (Reference your unique RP from the question above): As I said, we have a discoteca with daily events or just extra stuff different every day, a music shop also specialized in cigars, and the Cashier at that shop will know you personally to recommend the best Cigar/music that there is, and for our VIPs, there will be a network specialized for buying Drugs and, clothing, and more premium stuff.

This is one of the dupes I built as a reference to my discoteca. There is a stage for singing, a Hi-Fi player, a little VIP zone in the corner, and me standing there. I don't know why the quality is downgraded, and 4/10 members are active dupe builders, including me. I thought of this to represent my home country, and also because Cartel de la Costa, the past and only Colombian/Spanish speaking faction, was shit as they were not accurate at all, and never got on. I aim to be better than them and be the best Spanish-speaking faction there could be

Organization Backstory (Min. of 250+ Words & any images):IMAGES ARE INCLUDED IN DOC
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1oa0cdb_EonYB0_mpvTrX6D7nDK1k6hQx3QjQPlcXWcE/edit?pli=1&tab=t.0

[MrlogicNova]

-1

Genuinely a retard as Don

[chadvini]

-1 theme park faction like most of the ones out right now, just some bs with an ethnic origin

[chadvini]

1 hour ago, Walter Wilhelm said:

and 4/10 members are active dupe builders

you should fucking kill whoever made that dupe

[Fox]

-1

Con

- Your application is a mess, the grammar, spelling and lack of spaces is making it hard to read
- Low playtime
- You make a bunch of references to a 'discotecas'. I read the whole paragaraph and I still don't know what that is.
- In your 'unique' RP, you wrote a bunch of words that all equate to 'wear nice clothes', 'smoke and sell cigars', there is nothing unique here.
- Your 'unique event' doesn't give me anything to go on, it's all been done before.



- The main problem I have here is that your backstory looks to have massive AI portions, it's quite obvious to tell and the writing style in your backstory doesn't match that of your forum post.

If you look at 'They controlled Bogotá, Medellín, Cali, and most of Colombia’s southern, central, and northern regions—though not all. They had access to intelligence and networks that other syndicates couldn’t even approach. '

Compared to 'The Day They Killed Elias Developed Like A normal morning Elias Had A drinking Problem He always drank everywhere he had a business meeting he was on a helicopter the people with him were allied and knew what was gonna happen they knew dario was gonna kill him so Dario and Flaco went to another building near where the helicopter'

It's extremely obvious. People work extremely hard on their applications and put real man hours into it. You appear to have chosen the easy route. Whilst I appreciate english may not be your first language, potentially - you could've had someone proof read it and make edits for you.




Pro
- The idea might be good, but you need to take this advice away and come back again IMO.

Advice 
- Rewrite your entire story yourself, dont just do it really quick, take some time on it.
- Have someone proof read it so that it makes sense.
- DITCH AI.
- Come up with some unique roleplay ideas that relate to your faction idea.

[john mackentash]

-1 dupe could look alittle better 

 

[Hg0tros]

1 minute ago, Fox said:

-1

Con

- Your application is a mess, the grammar, spelling and lack of spaces is making it hard to read
- Low playtime
- You make a bunch of references to a 'discotecas'. I read the whole paragaraph and I still don't know what that is.
- In your 'unique' RP, you wrote a bunch of words that all equate to 'wear nice clothes', 'smoke and sell cigars', there is nothing unique here.
- Your 'unique event' doesn't give me anything to go on, it's all been done before.



- The main problem I have here is that your backstory looks to have massive AI portions, it's quite obvious to tell and the writing style in your backstory doesn't match that of your forum post.

If you look at 'They controlled Bogotá, Medellín, Cali, and most of Colombia’s southern, central, and northern regions—though not all. They had access to intelligence and networks that other syndicates couldn’t even approach. '

Compared to 'The Day They Killed Elias Developed Like A normal morning Elias Had A drinking Problem He always drank everywhere he had a business meeting he was on a helicopter the people with him were allied and knew what was gonna happen they knew dario was gonna kill him so Dario and Flaco went to another building near where the helicopter'

It's extremely obvious. People work extremely hard on their applications and put real man hours into it. You appear to have chosen the easy route. Whilst I appreciate english may not be your first language, potentially - you could've had someone proof read it and make edits for you.




Pro
- The idea might be good, but you need to take this advice away and come back again IMO.

Advice 
- Rewrite your entire story yourself, dont just do it really quick, take some time on it.
- Have someone proof read it so that it makes sense.
- DITCH AI.
- Come up with some unique roleplay ideas that relate to your faction idea.

 

Brother didn’t leave any comments to make, I highly agree with everything there. Good luck on your next application, but this one is a -1 from me.

Edited 12 hours ago by Hg0tros

[Walter Wilhelm]

Thanks guys

[Walter Wilhelm]

I really appreciate the honesty

[Walter Wilhelm]

11 hours ago, Fox said:

-1

Con

- Your application is a mess, the grammar, spelling and lack of spaces is making it hard to read
- Low playtime
- You make a bunch of references to a 'discotecas'. I read the whole paragaraph and I still don't know what that is.
- In your 'unique' RP, you wrote a bunch of words that all equate to 'wear nice clothes', 'smoke and sell cigars', there is nothing unique here.
- Your 'unique event' doesn't give me anything to go on, it's all been done before.



- The main problem I have here is that your backstory looks to have massive AI portions, it's quite obvious to tell and the writing style in your backstory doesn't match that of your forum post.

If you look at 'They controlled Bogotá, Medellín, Cali, and most of Colombia’s southern, central, and northern regions—though not all. They had access to intelligence and networks that other syndicates couldn’t even approach. '

Compared to 'The Day They Killed Elias Developed Like A normal morning Elias Had A drinking Problem He always drank everywhere he had a business meeting he was on a helicopter the people with him were allied and knew what was gonna happen they knew dario was gonna kill him so Dario and Flaco went to another building near where the helicopter'

It's extremely obvious. People work extremely hard on their applications and put real man hours into it. You appear to have chosen the easy route. Whilst I appreciate english may not be your first language, potentially - you could've had someone proof read it and make edits for you.




Pro
- The idea might be good, but you need to take this advice away and come back again IMO.

Advice 
- Rewrite your entire story yourself, dont just do it really quick, take some time on it.
- Have someone proof read it so that it makes sense.
- DITCH AI.
- Come up with some unique roleplay ideas that relate to your faction idea.

I appreciate the feedback since yours is the longest and most detailed one